11:32
She's the type of person who always try to stay on the line. Obey the rules, do not take risks, live normally. The naive her always think that she's living a good live, living under control with clean history, being the obedient kid that is her. This is the life that she should reminisce properly.
The older her couldn't really agree with that anymore.
For the past several months she realized that she's too bored of the daily obligation that she has to do everyday. Everything seems so flat and dull. Everything seems black and white. No color. No brush to paint on the canvas either.
She's living a good life but she's tired being obedient. She's tired of walking on the straight line. Walking on the same path every single day. Watching everything looks so colorful outside the line but couldn't seem to reach it, let alone to even feel it. For once, she feels the urge to cross the line. To grab a brush and paint her own color in her own canvas on the straight line she has walked on for the past years.
But she's quite aware of her own weakness. Weakness that prevent her from stepping outside. Weakness that she hates to call it weakness but found no other better words to describe it.
She doesn't take risks. She doesn't have the guts to endanger herself taking a risky step. She gotta need someone to grab the brush for her and paint for her in the straight line. And she just have to watch and feel satisfied with it. But that sounds more like a wishful thinking.
She's trained to stay safe. Don't make unnecessary moves. And that's why she doesn't know how to help her own self, to defend herself. She's used to get a helping hand, a lot. Being told to just stay there. And being the obedient kid, she obeyed. If she disobey, she will have to do it herself. And she's not ready for that.
She wants to break the rule. Wants to know how does it feel to disobey. She has witnessed the fun of people who broke the rules and she kind of want to feel it too. And being a little lamb who got lost on the other side, learn how to survive. Experience the consequence and all.
She wants to cross the line, grab the brush and draw her own color, create a new line in her clean canvas, make as much lines as she can, and step from one line to the other line, drawing new color on every steps, and feel the fun that she has yearned for a long time.
She wants to escape from the black and white that is her world.
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