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People find motivation and inspiration to do something through things expected and unexpected. Some people feel moved or inspired when they're in a beautiful and peaceful place. Some people find it when they're with someone they feel comfortable around or they love. Some people find it after they walk around in some places and see something that click their mind. Some when they've been stucked in the toilet for hours. Some when they feel a huge emotion going through themself and eating them alive with thoughts, good or bad.
The last one is me.
I feel moved to write something whenever I feel sad, feel hurted, feel torn between two thoughts, feel puzzled, and other not-so-good emotions to feel. I always have the urge to write something whenever I feel not good about myself, and that's quite upsetting. Most of the time I refused to write what I feel when I had the urge to do it at times like this because I don't really like sharing my bad experience to other people. It makes me look pity. But honestly, what else I could do to let this thought away from myself if not by writing this down? I'm not one to share personal thoughts with people, either. So sometimes I let my guards down and just go to work and finish the messy writing I created under a gloomy feeling.
Most of the time it just left unfinished because I don't even like it in the first place.
As in right now, I honestly don't know what I want to talk about. I just feel so upset and I want to pour the feeling on something. And writing, it is. I still don't know what to talk about.
Right now I'm listening to Younha singing on youtube while writing this. I've been listening to many good songs from good singers for hours. Younha, Sohyang, Ailee, Hyolyn, Song Sohee, Jo Sumi etc. Some of those great singers that you all shoould look up to. And it's one of the way to not feel like I'm wasting time because my ears are blessed for hours, good feeling. Good feeling that clouded in a bad thoughts.
And now I've just get scolded by my mother for stay up late. I really need to sleep. I've stayed up late for days. And Mom doesn't appreciate it. Me too. But these thoughts are attacking crazily at times like this everyday and I couldn't bring myself to sleep. It's hard. And Mom doesn't understand. She just wants me to sleep. And I'm gonna sleep now.
I feel better after writing this down. This is an absurd writing, but surely has beneficial goal. And it's to make me feel alright and get some senses to my sleepy head. I'm gonna sleep now. For sure.
Good night.
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